Chivalry and a Gentleman's Manners - Much More Than It Seems)

I was reared and grew up among men of what might be called "the old school." You may not know anything of it, because I find that no matter how I search anywhere, I am able to find little of it. I work and write a great deal in an effort to benefit my county, and I've decided that little I can do would more further that end than to teach what I was once taught by the nobleman who was my grandfather, and by the men among whom I grew up. I am, frankly, fed up to the ears on the boorish manner of today's sorry-ass surrogate for the gentleman, and I am still warrior enough to dare speak my piece.

This, then, is about how to be a gentleman, and why – if we don’t – the price may be horrendous, nothing less than the death of our nation.

The manner of the men I spoke of a minute ago was based almost entirely upon that of medieval knighthood. There have been written several version of the Knightly Code of Conduct, as it was called, and here, for example, is one:

"Live to defend and serve God and Country.
Live one's life so that it is worthy of respect and honor.
Live for freedom, justice and all that is good.
Never attack an unarmed foe.
Never attack an opponent not equal to the attack.
Never attack from behind.
Avoid lying, cheating, and falsehood.
Avoid and despise torture.
Obey the law of country and the code of chivalry.
Administer justice.
Protect the innocent.
Exhibit self control.
Show respect to authority.
Respect women.
Exhibit Courage in word and deed.
Defend the weak and innocent.
Destroy evil in all of its forms.
Fight with honor.
Avenge the wronged.
Never abandon a friend, an ally, or a noble cause.
Fight with valor always.
Always keep one's word of honor.
Always maintain one's principles.
Never betray a confidence or comrade.
Avoid deception.
Respect life and freedom.
Die with honor.
Exhibit knightly manners.
Be polite and attentive.
Be respectful of host, women, and honor.
Maintain loyalty to country, honor, freedom, and the code of chivalry.
Always be loyal to one's friends and those who lay their trust in thee."

To these, my grandfather added another: "Loyalty is above everything - except honor."

As a boy, I was taught behavior and manners I still exhibit and practice today. I will not permit a man to be rude to a woman, period. When I had come to Texas in 1995, I found that what was always a custom usually requiring only verbal remonstrance - men elsewhere apparently at least remembered proper conduct concerning women - was cause to not only defend myself verbally, but physically. That, of course, was cause for little stress - my avocation and lifestyle for what was then more than fifty years was competition judo - and a considerable number of blustering bully loudmouths learned to their fury (later and at a distance, always) and dismay otherwise that I do not suffer fools gladly.

To one macho character come upon by a friend and I as he enjoyed slapping his wife repeatedly and arrogantly as he pressed her helplessly against a car, I answered his "Who the hell are you and what gives you the right to stick your nose in my affairs" with something that may prove instructional here. "I'm the guy who's gonna kick your ass and use it to sweep this parking lot if you hit that woman again. My right is the right of any decent man who sees what you're doing."

My eyes holding his (once known among the street people who knew me as a cop and bodyguard back home as "Iron Eyes," I can appear pretty formidable when I choose), I fished a business card from my pocket and handed it to the woman. "Ma'am," I said, "it he hits or abuses you again - ever, you call me and it will be my distinct pleasure to make him very, very sorry." I didn't hear from them again, so I have no idea. But when we came out of the store we had been headed toward, the couple was still sitting in the car talking earnestly. As we walked behind their car to our truck, the woman put her arm out the car window and waved the card at us. My friend and I - the lady, too, it seems - had a little laugh at Tough Man's expense.

I do confess to have mellowed somewhat (don't get the idea that I've stopped training to fight or shoot, though - that could lead to error with serious effect) in my old age. After the six (or seventh - I don't really make a big thing of this) similar incident, one in a local K-Mart, it occurred to my that my penchant for kicking bully's asses might label me with local police as a provocateur. In several instances, including that of the WalMart incident, the police were called. In that instance, a burly character who pushed an elderly man and his wife aside in order to force his way into line ahead of them at the checkout counter, my armlock happened to smash his face on the conveyor belt and spray blood from his broken nose around there. When the old couple and the check-out lady had explained to arriving police officers what had occurred (did I forget to say that smart-ass had attempted to give me a hard shove?), I was not arrested.

I've related that particular action in my book, "Letters to Aaron, the Hal Luebbert Story"

But enough of the "war stories." Let it suffice to say that was once required by my grandfather to promise that I would never permit a man to insult or harm a woman in my presence, and I don't intend to go back on my word to the man who had most to do with my upbringing. I keep my word. That's true of animals, too - another promise made a few minutes after Opa body slammed the local blacksmith after having observed him striking a horse with a pair of smithy tongs. "Boy," Opa grated, "don't let me ever catch you being cruel to a dumb animal."

"No, sir!" I said as required then. I was then about five, and the man was very like god to me. In the years that followed, I got the rest of my instruction. Once, when I had repeated a remark heard concerning a local woman who often frequented the lone tavern in our little town, he seized my arm in those pliers-like hands of his. "Son, as far as you're concerned that woman is a lady. All women are ladies to you. It doesn't make any difference who they are or what they do, it isn't about them - it's about you. Do, you, understand?"

Yup, I understood - still do.

Under my grandfather's tutelage, and that of the other men in the locale with whom I worked and lived, I learned that a man worth the name - it was a title then; not just observance of gender - changes his manner and behavior in the presence of woman or women. When a "lady" - they were all ladies to me, remember - approached or spoke to me, I took my hat off before speaking. Introduced to a lady, I came to attention, clicked my heels and slightly. Sitting when a woman approached, I rose to my feet.

I opened doors - building or car - for a woman, went up a stairs or into a strange room before her, and followed her upon going downstairs of leaving. I took my hat off, too, when entering anyone's home, did the same when eating no matter where I was. I still do that, and I still detest the boorishness ignorance of men who sit eating at a table with a woman. Annoyingly noticeable enough when one is eating along, it is clownish when in the company of a woman.

A couple of decades ago, accompanying a local attorney who happened also to be a militant feminist, I sprang ahead of her to open the door to the local courthouse. "I can open my own doors," she said archly (it was, you may recall, one of feminist's verbal back-of- the-hand sacramentals during the nitwit era). "Not when you're with me, you can't - unless you're prepared to stop me physically. That would be as silly as opening your own doors, wouldn't it?" Watching me strangely as I spoke, the lady nodded deferentially as I finished, then went through the open door as I held it.

There's more, and it will be on a website page I'm preparing here.

There are many, many things contributing to the fearsome decay of the United States of America, bewildering things few people seem to understand. There's no need, nor enough room here, to list, describe, or categorize them - they assail us daily both in the news and in actual experience. One of these societal social ills is disdain for our fellow citizen. That disdain is exhibited by nothing so much as the execrably infuriating bad manners of men. That's not to forgive women and children for boorish misconduct toward others, of course, but I'm on men's case today.

It has always men who were held to a higher standard, and it was they who held themselves to the standard, no one else. A man who had to be asked to show proper respect had dishonored himself, and was suitably ashamed.

Oh, I can hear you: it's not that important. Yeah? Well, you tell me what burning a flag is, if it's not a question of manners. How about flying another flag above our flag, suffering it to remain lying in the gutter or anywhere disgraceful, or in any other improper position. How many criminal acts - take speeding, stop sign violation, etc, etc, etc, are really and first simple acts of abusive disrespect?

Let's get something else straight, while I'm at it: Acting like an television outlaw and the anti-hero Hollywood somehow decided to exalt makes you look to guys like me like a boy. You remind me more than anything else of the guy who stood across the mat from me glaring and posturing furiously in the hope of being intimidating. What he was really showing me is how scared he was. I don't suppose he knew that, because the performance was more "whistling past the cemetary" than anything else - an attempt to add weight to his robin's ass. I used to get that kind of guy in about twenty seconds, never saw a really top-class fighter who acted that way, ever.

So, gentlemen, let's start doing this little, easy-to-do thing for our country. Let's shape up our manners. Start with the ladies. It pays dividends right away, you know. Ask any woman - except a feminist, of course. They're part of the problem - who has worse manners? And, let's not forget, feminism may never have happened, had WE not made it happen. Cheating anyone where job, position, or wages is concerned may be a crime - it is damned sure bad manners.

And at the bottom of it all, manners are about respect – self-respect above all.