"Intelligent Design," "Evolution," People Who Literally Don't Know What They're Talking About, and Things We Ought to be Talking About

I've been asked by a couple of readers here to weigh in on both this subject and that of sexual mores and their effect on our deliberations having to do with the crime of rape. Frankly, I've been putting them both off - the Bush League Administration and its nonsensical machinations and continual “policy” pratfalls is easier. Much easier. Mr. Bush and the clusterf--- he laughably calls an “administration” have been exposed for what they are, after all; and attempts by his remaining supporters to cover for him are like the emperor’s magical clothes, invisible to everybody but George and his wonderful tailors. That's much easier that matters as abstract and non-sensory as things like “carnal knowledge,” “intelligent design,” and “Darwinism.”

But it’s all about our kids – right? Our concern for them is demonstrated incontrovertibly by things like our magnificent educational system and its stupendous results. Things like wide-spread practice of self mutilation, drug consumption, savage hazing, orgiastic sex and drinking, drive-by shooting, and commando-like raids on their school make any criticism of our schools merely hypercritical. Kids will be kids – right? The only thing remaining for us to teach them is how it was that God made them (not that they might not be confused, appearances what they are). Right?

What – me, cynical? Whatever gave you that idea?!

Anyway, the latest spate of would-be reasoning concerning how life on our planet came to be what it is is so very typical of our deliberations having to do with almost every other subject and issue that I choose it first. Sex crime can wait. Of course, it’s not as important. The determination of the precise manner of creation is obviously far more important than 144,000 missing women, skyrocketing incidence of rape, and that sort of thing. First things first.

Frankly, nevertheless, I approach the subject with both wonderment and trepidation. Why the hell does it seem to make so much difference? You think God really cares as much as you seem to about how you think he did it all? For the “creationists” and “intelligent design” people - what the devil (you should pardon the expression) does it all have to do with how you treat one another (which, I remind you, the same scripture you hold infallible says will decide it all for you anyhow)? What, really, is the difference?

For the other side of the goofy shouting match, what difference does it make if you tell kids some people think they know the mind of God so well that they know exactly how He created man – and He didn’t do it in any kind of stages – evolution, in other words. Kids nowadays are pretty darned bright, some of them, and they’re going to see the logical fallacy in that in short order.

What does I mean by that? Well, folks, not even God – a real one, not the one you make up in your bewildered heads – can do everything all at once. That’s an impossibility, like making a rock he can’t lift. So you call it “intelligent design” if you want to, but now you’re “hoist on your own petard” (Shakespeare, that), because that means in some kind of states, and that means “evolution” to most of the rest of homo sapiens (what we’re arguing with such feckless fury and frustration about – remember?). If He did it all at once, then He did it without thinking about it, and that’s also impossible, even for Him.

What’s singularly salient about it all is the fact, that the existence of god has now been proved by one of the leading mathematical physicists, cosmologists, and quantum physicists on earth. The scientist is Dr. Frank J. Tipler, and the book is “The Physics of Immortality.” There’s no doubt about it, unless you’re not very smart and your brain is stuck on mythology and religious doctrine. The scientific, logical and mathematical fact of it is that “intelligent design” irrevocably implies “evolution,” and “evolution” implies “intelligent design.”

So now you can argue about whether He did it with his right hand or left. Sheesh! – get a brain! And teach your kids to love one another (no, not have sex . . . damn it all, why can’t you grow up and stop looking for trite and trivial definitions to quarrel about?!). THAT’s how they got here, both in the obvious and the creation-evolution sense. When do you think we can expect you to wake up, look around, and realize that there are fifty or more far more important problems the kids are going to need a wh-o-o-o-o-le lot of help with during their lives? We have a nitwit administration in Washington, picking a fight with every other country on the globe, stealing us blind, bungling everything we put them there to do, and all the rest, and you’re fighting about precisely how god made man . . .?! Good grief!

When your kids are suffocating in their own waste, shriveling and dying of thirst, scrabbling to grow food out of the exhausted earth, and trying to defend themselves against their religiously demented fellow human beings, they’ll have little time for the hair-splitting rhetorical nonsense their pampered and sated parents engaged in.

If you think it all was “intelligent design,” maybe you ought to try a little of that in your own life and that of your country.

If you know it all “evolved,” you may need to explain why you haven’t evolved enough intelligence to see that “evolution” IS an intelligent design.

But then, maybe I don’t know what the argument is all about. I certainly hope so.